Two Lives

I've come to realise that I have two lives now, far and distant between, both populated with people I love and care about. Both filled with ambitions and desires, the paths of which intertwine and weave, criss crossing through and around memories. Memories of friends, memories of family, memories that I wish would remain forgotten and memories I fight to hold onto. And amidst all of this I find myself asking the same question that has haunted me all my life, who am I?

I called mother, and I called sister - hear me, listen to me, love me. This is all I want, all I need. Validate me. I call mother because she's easy in the way's mothers must be, but also because that validation and love is priceless, in the same way that only a mother's can be. I call my sister because her's is harder to come by, too caught up in adolescent self concern. I don't blame her, she's growing and needs the care more than I. I hope that in the middle of my own self interest, I managed to give her some.

I'll repeat again that teaching is the hardest thing that I've even undertaken. There is just too much to care about and too many lives to invest yourself in. If you have 530 students and invest just a fraction of your self into each of those, then how much do you leave for yourself?

When your life is split into two, divided each way by a mere 8200 kilometers, how do you bridge that divide without dividing your self?